Kind of feeling down.

For whatever reason I just decided to look at my cousin's wife's facebook page. And i really wish I had not done it.

She is pregnant. I have been avoiding looking at her profile for some time now. Because it hurts. My cousin and I were born with in months of each other, and we were married with in just a few months of each other. And I and his wife got pregnant with in a few months of each other. But I was supposed to have my baby first. But I lost that baby. But then I got pregnant again before them. And once again before them. It hurts to know that we should already have our baby. (S)he should already be here. But instead Im sitting here on my period while my husband is in Afghanistan. Not knowing when my husband will be home, or when we will be able to TTC again.

We were really hoping that i would be pregnant again before he left. But Im not. And I get to sit here by myself and watch everyone else get the dream we wished for. Sometimes its just so depressing. Im counting down the days unitl my husband can come home and we can TTC again, instead of the days until baby will be here. I wish that miscarriages were not an issue, for anyone. I wish that we could have known what to do the last 3 times to possibly keep from having a miscarriage.